Tonight? I'm ready to punch my sweetie in the nose. He recovered - thanks to zillions of prayers and the grace of God - but he is annoying me beyond belief this evening as I try to steal an hour of peace and quiet.
That is the beauty of being married for almost 23 years. My love for him quickly shoos away away those few moments of irritation. Indeed, my perturbed state reflects the joy I feel after my dear husband was spared by a merciful God from a life-threatening cardiac event. And God's plan did not include whisking me away yet, either.
When I began this blog, I assumed I'd prattle on about retirement, parenting a college freshman, pursuing freelance writing after a 32 year career held captive by a lot of soul-sucking fools. But recent posts have leaned toward my husband's illness and its effect on our family. Sorry. That's my current voice. I simply can't find the other voices that made up the rhythms and routines of my life before the cancer monster impaled my spouse and brought us to our knees.
So this evening finds me reflecting on my recent pleas to God and concluding that bargaining with Him is never a good idea. It's presumptuous, at the very least. God's plans serve a higher purpose than we can possibly understand, and to think that we can negotiate our way out of those plans is absurd.
The night I offered my life in exchange for my husband's, I did so in the belief that he is the better person, more deserving of a long life and the gift of additional years to steward our son, our grandchildren, our legacy. But that's up to God, not me. My job is to stay humble, patient, and on my knees thanking the Lord for comfort and strength.
You see, God already assured us that He will provide comfort when needed and give us the strength we need to deal with whatever comes our way. So asking Him for these things isn't as important as acknowledging His workings in our lives and thanking Him repeatedly for those much needed gifts. Or at least that's how I see it.
My beloved husband is stretched out on the couch with our mutant dog and cunning cat. Our college freshman son just dropped off about fourteen loads of laundry from his dorm room, and that is just fine. My gal pals Lynne and Jean took me out earlier this evening for a most scrumptious Italian dinner.
Yes, there are blessings large and small for which to be thankful. I am learning to live life day at a time, with humility. Indeed, life feels peaceful as I ready for bed tonight. God will surely hear my gratitude as I drop to my knees in prayer before lying down next to my husband, placing my hand near his still-beating heart, and whispering my love for him before we both drift into a tranquil sleep and dream of life, love, and legacy.
So this evening finds me reflecting on my recent pleas to God and concluding that bargaining with Him is never a good idea. It's presumptuous, at the very least. God's plans serve a higher purpose than we can possibly understand, and to think that we can negotiate our way out of those plans is absurd.
The night I offered my life in exchange for my husband's, I did so in the belief that he is the better person, more deserving of a long life and the gift of additional years to steward our son, our grandchildren, our legacy. But that's up to God, not me. My job is to stay humble, patient, and on my knees thanking the Lord for comfort and strength.
You see, God already assured us that He will provide comfort when needed and give us the strength we need to deal with whatever comes our way. So asking Him for these things isn't as important as acknowledging His workings in our lives and thanking Him repeatedly for those much needed gifts. Or at least that's how I see it.
My beloved husband is stretched out on the couch with our mutant dog and cunning cat. Our college freshman son just dropped off about fourteen loads of laundry from his dorm room, and that is just fine. My gal pals Lynne and Jean took me out earlier this evening for a most scrumptious Italian dinner.
Yes, there are blessings large and small for which to be thankful. I am learning to live life day at a time, with humility. Indeed, life feels peaceful as I ready for bed tonight. God will surely hear my gratitude as I drop to my knees in prayer before lying down next to my husband, placing my hand near his still-beating heart, and whispering my love for him before we both drift into a tranquil sleep and dream of life, love, and legacy.
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